Mental Health + Cancer
When you receive a cancer diagnosis of any kind, you are acutely aware of how your body is physically struggling to stay healthy.
However, the mental gymnastics of feeling healthy while not actually being healthy were a very unexpected challenge to face.
Coming face-to-face with your own mortality by way of cancer is a special kind of hell I don’t wish upon my worst enemy. I think I cried multiple times a day every single day for at least 6 months.
I had some pretty scary thoughts. I hesitate sharing them, but I think it’s important because this conversation has come up so many times in my Tiktok DMs:
“If my cancer is advanced stage, maybe I’ll sell my house and my car and take my parents to travel the world because life is literally so short.”
“I sure as heck better start making more time for my nieces and nephews…just in case.”
“Well, dating is pointless now that I can’t make my own babies. I guess I’ll channel all my love into my dog.”
I felt worthless. Completely unlovable. Luckily, I have a great therapist who has helped me reframe some of these thoughts.
The most important thing she helped me realize is that I still have value beyond my reproductive abilities. And so do you.
At the end of the day, life is short, with or without cancer. If anything, it has helped me reach a new level of clarity with family time and dating. (More on that later.)
My biggest advice?
Credit: Pinterest
Find an excellent therapist who can help you vent and process your situation, but also reframe when needed.
Be sad and angry and feel all of the negative emotions you need to feel. Talk with loved ones (or your therapist) about them. There is no light without darkness. If darkness is all you see right now, just trust that the light is on its way back to you.
Here is how I was able to reframe my thoughts after feeling my feelings associated with them:
“If my cancer is advanced stage, maybe I’ll sell my house and my car and take my parents to travel the world because life is literally so short.” — That would be a very fun way to spend my time! But let’s not jump to conclusions until I have an official diagnosis and know where I’m at in my journey.
“I sure as heck better start making more time for my nieces and nephews…just in case.” — I should make more time for them regardless of my diagnosis. Life is short with or without cancer. I love them and I want them to know that.
“Well, dating is pointless now that I can’t make my own babies. I guess I’ll channel all my love into my dog.” — I have more value than what I can offer a man. I can still have biological children through a surrogate. The right person will be empathetic and thrilled to create a family, however it needs to happen. However, having a ton of dogs sounds like a great life too.