Sharing Your Cancer Diagnosis with Loved Ones
So, you have cancer. Cue the 5 stages of grief — denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance — as you reconcile why your body has betrayed you.
I was in the denial stage until I was in the pre-op room and made my doctor physically show me the tumor on my CT scan. (More to come RE: communicating with your doctor.)
As soon as you’re comfortable, it’s important to tell someone close to you about your diagnosis. Carrying this burden alone is not healthy and certainly not necessary.
I was unfortunately diagnosed with cervical cancer on my mother’s birthday. I felt terrible because we live in different states, so we like to FaceTime, especially for birthdays. But that year, I FaceTimed her already crying, so I had to tell her the news. I still feel guilty about the timing, but I was keeping my health issues a secret for so long that once I heard the “c” word, I knew I couldn’t wait another day to tell her.
Three important things to keep in mind when relaying this life-changing news to loved ones:
They might not know what to say. That’s okay. Give them space to process. They are likely in shock and scared too.
They might not react the way you expect them to. I expected my parents to be very disappointed, given the stigma that surrounds cervical cancer, but they were incredibly supportive. Or you may expect support and your loved one may show confusion or any other reaction you don’t expect. Just know that any negative reaction is not a reflection of your worth. Let them have their reaction and process, then move to step three.
Be prepared to answer questions. If you’re not crying uncontrollably, there may be a little Q & A. Try not to take this portion of “the talk” personally. However, please remember you are still allowed to have boundaries around the situation and answer only what you feel comfortable answering in the moment, or circle back to it in another conversation at a later time when you can think clearly.
Remember: You are more than your diagnosis. Your family and friends love you and want to support you. It’s okay to let them, and it’s okay to distance yourself from loved ones who aren’t able to support you. There’s no room for negativity or additional stress in your life right now.
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